“How can I trust him again? He has been there for us and he has been everything to me for the past 25 years. I don’t want to associate myself with him again”. These were words of a friend who lost trust for her dad as she angrily expressed her disappointment. Her dad came home one day to inform them that he has a second wife and the woman was carrying his child. She couldn’t believe what she heard because that was the least thing she thought her dad would do to destroy their love for him. She was teary-eyed as she said “I can never forgive him for what he has done to my mum and us. I trusted that he would be there for us but now, no more”
- The reality:
It’s amazing to know the number of years a person takes to build trust, or the number of sacrifices he/she makes, or the pains, hustle, energy he/she uses to build trust; and the act, or seconds, or minutes, or days, to destroy it. It takes years to put up structure and hours or days to demolish. It takes years for a company to build airplane and seconds for bad guys to blow it up.
As far as I know, it is easier to destroy or demolish than to build. A married person used over 20 years to build trust just to allow some 5 minutes pleasure to destroy what holds their marriage. An employee could allow a lie or theft to destroy trust his/her employer has for him/her. It happens every day in our homes, churches, workplaces, and in our relationship with others.
The reality is that everyone is selfish to some extent so when a person acts to achieve his/her selfish need(s), it affects the other and the trust that holds them together.
- When Trust is broken:
Trust is the foundation on which relationships are built. As a result, relationships become shaky when trust is affected either by our words, actions, or behaviour. When the cord of trust is broken, people become suspicious of one another. They cease to love and it could lead to hatred, that results in taking revenge. It could also lead to broken heart and even death when a person sees or have no reason to live.
- Can broken Trust be built again?
The answer I get for this question is No but my answer is Yes. Most people don’t believe in second chance. To them, there is no point in giving a person chance to prove himself or herself again because they will mess up no matter how many chances you give. I believe such people act that way because they see perfect people around them and they make no allowance for people’s mistake(s).
The truth is that human beings are people. The ones we love, adore, care for, protect, look up to, cherish, sacrifice for, etc are those that will hurt us. A stranger can hurt you because, after all, you didn’t know him/her.
In the story of my friend, it was her father, the man who nurtured her for over 20 years. He was the first man in her life until that day when he broke the news. She never imagined that her dad could do what she thought happened in movies or what other men (she believes) are irresponsible would do. It was hard truth that she had to swallow considering the fact that she would have step brother/sister.
She told me that this is unforgivable sin. I stared at her for a while and asked if she were perfect? She answered as honest as she could be and said “No am not perfect but I will never cheat on my spouse or partner”. I asked her again that “do you know or can you recall the number of times you hurt God by doing things to defy your body, which is His Temple? Can you count the number of times he has forgiven you for your mistakes?” I continued that “your strength could be your dad’s weakness. Maybe you can control yourself in the area of sexuality but he can’t. He probably won’t do things you do. Such is life so please make allowance for people in your life mistakes. Satan got him to sin in that area and what you can do for him now it to pray for him and show him love. You can build trust again if you can forgive. Don’t allow one act to destroy what you guys have built for years. This is hard to take but it is the truth. God trust us despite our imperfections.
Sometimes we deliberately sin against God but he forgives us. He understands that we are flesh and blood, and we have weaknesses. God has made provision for our mistakes or sins. His Word says that
“if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.” (1 John 1:9, NLT).
“My dear children, I am writing this to you so that you will not sin. But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate who pleads our case before the Father. He is Jesus Christ, the one who is truly righteous.” (1 John 2:1, NLT)
Jesus is making intercession for us at the Father’s right hand. God understands the importance of giving people chance or chances to live again. No matter how many times you fall in your Christian journey, He knows that you will grow past that stage. He forgives you unconditionally and expects you to do same for people in your lives. Broken trust can be amended when we make allowances for people’s mistakes and forgive them genuinely and unconditionally.
- What to do to amend broken trust:
Forgive the person as God forgives you, Love the person as God loves you, Make allowance for his/her mistakes as God has done for your mistakes, and Take steps to Trust again. This would be expanded in my future post. God bless you
If you have trust issues, share your story and I trust God, through His Spirit, will guide us as to what steps to take to rebuild trust. Use firstname.lastname@example.org